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A Guide to Love, God, Prayer, Meditation, & Peace Within You—Right Now

What Should I Do When My Fiancé Hurts Me?

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Melissa: “My fiancé can be the most loving, spiritually connected, kind person ever…and then he can suddenly become hostile, cold and rejecting. He had a very abusive and difficult childhood, and so did I. I’ve been doing lots of inner work and practicing A Course in Miracles (ACIM) for 25 years, but there are times when he says something so mean, or acts so cold, it triggers my own childhood wounds. ACIM says when a brother is acting crazy, it’s a cry for love and to give whatever he asks for, even if it is outrageous. I feel like this man is my soul mate. I just wish I knew how to practice ACIM without becoming a doormat.”

The Voice for Love: “Our Dear Beloved, first of all, we want to acknowledge that We love you. We go with you wherever you go and We speak to you every day, and therefore, you have Our characteristics of infinite tolerance, infinite empathy, infinite patience, infinite forgiveness, infinite wisdom, and infinite truth.

“You are correct in that ACIM says when a brother asks for something, give it to him, and that every attack is a cry for love. We hear you when you say that when your fiancé attacks you, it pushes your buttons because you, like he, also come from an abusive childhood. What We would say is that you need to strengthen your Holy Relationship with Us first, as your number one priority. If you work on enhancing your Holy Relationship with Us, and then work on healing those childhood wounds within yourself, you will find that you are better equipped to deal with your fiancé’s attacks toward you.

“There are many ways of healing such wounds. Try picturing yourself very vividly as a child, and extend love to her. Very vividly imagine what you looked like back then, what you wore, how your hair was combed, and sit with her as your adult self. Extend love to all your thoughts and feelings that she as a child would be having, or that you as an adult are having about her. Sit with her and ask Us—the Holy Spirit and God—to surround you with Our love as you extend only loving vibrations to all of the thoughts and emotions that come to your mind, without any judgment. What happens is that you will come to accept and love this inner, hurt child of yours. And we recommend that you continue to spend quality time with her until she feels comfortable with you, and you can both embrace one another and play and have fun together.

“We would also recommend that both you and your fiancé tell each other at least two genuine statements of appreciation from the heart on a daily basis. This act forces both of you to focus on why you love each other, not on what the other is doing wrong. And again, please strengthen your Holy Relationship with Us, by praying and meditating every day, just like you brush your teeth every morning.

“If you cannot be in a place of love with your fiancé, then perhaps it is time for you to try a trial separation so the two of you can work on yourselves. There comes a time when you cannot tolerate a person’s abuse, and if your fiancé refuses to be a “happy learner,” and if all the above fails, then you have the right not to tolerate an abusive situation. You are here to be happy and spread your Light.

“We hope what We have said you will find helpful. Blessings and love to you, Our Dear Beloved One.”