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A Guide to Love, God, Prayer, Meditation, & Peace Within You—Right Now

Married with Step Children

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Renee: “My husband and I are fighting a lot lately. We both have children from our previous marriages. He says I don’t spend enough time with his kids and that I am putting my kids’ activities ahead of theirs. I say he and his girls should come watch my kids’ sports, but he thinks that he and I should only do that when his girls aren’t with us. We have been married less than 2 years and I feel that he only wants to control me and change me. I am truly not knowing if I can live this way any longer. What do I do?”

The Voice for Love: “Dearest One, thank you for opening your mind and heart to Spirit for insight. You describe a situation that is causing pain to you and to all those involved. Although there is much love in this situation, it now seems to be distorted and twisted into something not love-like at all. Please know that this situation can be healed. You acknowledge that you do not want to live in this manner any longer. Why should you live with conflict, when you know that peace is your rightful state and your divine right?

“Why has this situation come up for you? It still holds a blessing, Dearest One. You may begin by accepting that all that ‘seems to be’ unlike love is simply love calling out to be recognized and magnified. Whatever arises to be healed, can be healed. All that is required is that hearts open.

“You must be honest with your husband about your feelings, and speak in a way that is not blaming or judgmental. You must also solicit from him his true feelings. Is he expressing his fears, anxiety or doubts? Are you? You must both agree to accept a solution that is seen to be fair to all. Is it possible to have a family meeting where all of those involved – children included – can feel free to voice their opinions, their feelings, their desires and their needs? Children very often have a more open attitude and a more sensible manner and indeed a clearer idea of fairness than adults do. Ask these children how they feel. Take everyone’s opinion, needs, and feelings into consideration. Tell them you are looking for a solution that everyone can agree upon. Be willing to release control, and request your husband to do the same.

“Bless this situation; bless all those involved. It is not easy for children to see, hear or feel conflict between those they depend upon for their foundation and their safety. Let family harmony and peace be your highest priority. Tell your husband this is your priority. Allow him to express himself freely – it may be that his fears for his children’s peace of mind, or his mistaken or unclear ideas of what his family time should look like, are preventing him from opening up to a shared solution. Allow yourself to let your true feelings arise, and do not condemn yourself or your husband. Humans have emotional frailties – this is normal, this can be forgiven.

“There is a simple solution to each and every problem and situation you encounter. That solution is the loving one that honors each person involved, while also allowing each person to grow and learn from whatever lessons the situation holds. You are each growing and learning. All situations are healing lessons. Reaffirm your love for your husband and all the children. Demonstrate and affirm that your desire is for family unity and agreement, to the greatest degree possible.

“Pray in this way: Dear God, spread your love over my family. Allow the love we have for each other to become more and more evident, day by day. Show me the way to a peaceful solution as to the time spent with our children. Help me to forgive myself and my husband for any actions or words that are less than loving. Bless each one of us. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Amen.