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A Guide to Love, God, Prayer, Meditation, & Peace Within You—Right Now

Ageing, Downsizing and Finding Trust

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Who is that woman in the mirror? She has on my favorite dress but, man! Does she look awful in it! Her belly sticks out and the fabric stretches over her fanny! No, she can’t be me. I’m the same as I’ve always been. Some old woman has hijacked my body! I’ll give that dress away before I’ll let her wear it! Oh my, it was such a favorite of mine!

My husband sighs as he watches. “They’re all your favorites,” he complains.

We are preparing to liquidate our lives by way of an estate sale. We are sorting through everything–three generations of acquired and inherited stuff– in each and every room of our large home. Most of it we have not laid on eyes on before or, if we did, it was years ago. We are clearing out un-done projects to which we once aspired; we are clearing out our memories and saying goodbye to them. In some sense, it is very sad. But we can no longer keep up the charade of all those things we once wanted to do and be. We can no longer keep up this large home.  We will probably be selling it with scarcely a chance to make any profit to purchase another. We do not know where we will go, but trust that Spirit will guide us.

I guess many people come to such a point in their lives, sooner or later, but mostly later. Letting go comes in many forms. Despite the weakening and decreasing limitations of our bodies the only recourse and challenge is to keep our minds and hearts free and open. For, the only constant in life seems to be the flow of change.

There is a freedom in letting go. There is even more freedom in trusting Spirit to guide us through the unknown future. Not knowing the future is the condition of life here, and not knowing is also another opportunity to learn trust.

Trust is paramount. I cannot experience inner peace without trust. I trust in the fact that deep inside, I am love—that I am an extension of God’s Love. To me, this is what it means to be a child of God.

Once upon a time, I took that inner love for granted, that inner spirit of excitement and wonder at the world, that desire to be the best I could be, even when others hurt me for my efforts done in ignorance. Then many hurting egos taught me that we, as humans, were basically sinful and greedy. I concluded that since I was unable to please a lot of people most of the time and still get the stuff I thought I needed to be happy, that perhaps that incomplete perception of who I am was true. I soon began forgetting to trust what I really am. I acquired lots of stuff, but it didn’t bring me fulfillment. There was always an empty spot that needed to be filled with more, a hunger that always went unsatisfied. But, in truth, the only thing that could fill that empty spot was to return to the experience of my own reality.

I take time now, in the midst of all the business of this change, to reconnect and feel that inner love, to recognize it, and to trust it, as well as trust what it tells me and to feel the affirmation that it is true. It tells me that I am safe. It tells me that life is always an adventure into the unknown. It tells me that the woman who hijacked my body is just a comedian sent to show me who I really am, by contrast. The world of perception depends upon contrast, even if it is the disgusting appearance of that hijacker in my favorite dresses! I trust the Spirit of God within me and meet the future not knowing, but safe and at peace.